I'm having a bad week. This is a "present time" post, and not a "history" post, even though I haven't exactly brought this up to the present yet. But, I made this blog so that I could post these things, "journal" them, if you will, when they happened. I kind of want it to be a healing ground for myself and anyone else in a similar situation.
For starters, the methotrexate (forever hereafter, I'll refer to it as MTX) is making me sick, STILL, after almost 10 weeks.
I'm breaking out in spots again. It looks like I have smallpox.
I have a headache, probably from whatever the heck is going on with me this week.
Did I mention I'm nauseated as hell?
My legs started sreaking out Saturday after a nature trip with my family. Sunday I had to wear hose (to cover my spots so that my congregatoin doesn't shun me as a leper), which only aggravated my spots. Today I had a mandatory class at work, "Managing the Agressive Patient," loads of fun. But sitting in a chair for 4 hours with my feet dangling, only contributed to my delightful collection of ugly spots. And, my 11 yo forgot to tell my 17 yo to come get me, so I walked almost the whole way home, which REALLY made things worse.
I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow for 12 hours. I can't call in. I missed a whopping 2 days in my first 90 days of employment, both doctor excused, both related to a vasculitis flare. I was strongly encouraged to watch my "absenteeism" until my next evaluation. Oh, and I don't have a phone right now to call in with anyway.
I feel hopeless. Utterly despairing. I can't even have a good cry (I frown on crying, but SOMETIMES...) because I have a migraine. Is there anyone out there that gets me?
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